we grow accustomed to the dark

she  has lots of friends and is the soul of every party

she has a sharp wit and is quick with her repartee

she radiates confidence and has a brilliant smile

she’s really well dressed and has an easy-going style

she’s smart and fit and cool and is really well liked

but if you look well enough one thing you’ll notice is that

when with people she always holds her left hand behind her back

unless she’s wearing a full-sleeved shirt which is rare

coz she can’t stand those things and then of course

she claims that she doesn’t care

but if you ask her

about that mark on her forearm

that she sometimes calls her dragonfly

for once she goes very quiet and has no witty reply

don’t ask me she says and i won’t have to lie

but if you get to know her

a little better and if she lets you in

she’ll talk of what a dangerous place the mind is

dark cavernous soul-numbing cold drenched in tears

swarmed by vague arbitrary pains and undefined fears

and like it or not we all have our demons to face

some more quotidian than others she says

and though i manage alright most of the time

they get the better of me once in a while

and then off comes the mask and poof! goes the smile

you pass the man everyday blowing happy bubbles

off the bubbles fly as he sinks deeper into his troubles

you’ve seen the demons in the lines on his face

and though his are about livelihood and security

yours about love and life are no more petty

and it is in bubbles that you both seek solace

you see his hair shining backlit in the morning sun and the glowing strand

of smoke from the shack and from the cigarette in his hand

shining in the light silvery as it rises twisting and turning

uncoiling like fate on an ominous ephemeral scroll

that’s how life gets sucked out of your soul

you think blue is sad and grey melancholy?

i’ve seen abject dejection clad in bright yellow and the most depressing

orange afternoons when the soul is chilled by a terrible weariness

and i can’t stand to see a face can’t stand talking to people

conversations make no sense and the will is rendered feeble

their faces expressionless like passengers slumped against windows

like empty wine bottles cluttered in the corner or dying plants in plastic jars

i’ve seen use and throw lives spent frequenting shady bars

lit by a dim red light dark shadows playing under everyone’s eyes

in dirty cramped cubicles with swinging doors and dusty table tops and greasy floors

half-remembered stumbling in and out of their seedy loos

it’s reality more than me that’s fragmented

so whose version are you going to believe?

your mind that’s conniving with the world to deceive you 
or your senses that only ensure that you perceive

enough to go on with your shuttered existence

it was all ok until it turned into a disaster

the doc said i should’ve been diagnosed faster

and it was decided that the world may be madder but i needed help

and just like that one fine day i was too dangerous

to be left alone with myself

and for the sake of others’ peace of mind

i was put on a healthy doze of fluoxetine and sertraline

i was formally introduced to zoloft and prozac and paxil

that keep you on your feet the magic pills

that empty the soul when it’s filled

with that terrible weariness

but what if i say that i’ve had enough

and what if i just disappear right off the face of the earth

or just right off your social network for what it’s worth

how long if at all will i be missed for there is no dearth

of self-proclaimed artists and poets and such-like freaks

and i was just another one and would you be

terribly disappointed inconsolably let down

if i chose to not wear the thorny crown

and decided instead to go my own way

and die an unknown death amongst

a handful of people who barely know my name

but will burn me when i’m dead and relegate the ashes to the wind

and then the trapped dragonfly will finally take wing

know that joy is but fleeting it is sorrow that is deep

and the most important lessons in life i learnt dealing with grief

so it’ll only make you stronger though initially you may be torn

but kindly say no more than a line or two

when talking of me when i’m gone