who knows why?

when i scale the wall

of a locked swimming pool  
and stand staring at the shimmering 
lights before i jump

it’s you that i’ll think of
for a long time to come

and as in the cold starless night

the first trembling notes are strum

mingled with the music sad

thoughts of you will come

unbidden

and memories hidden

are bound to overwhelm me

and leave me feeling numb

for a long time to come

and every time

i think of going back

to the prettiest place 
on earth that i know

it will be, for a long time 
with you that i'd want to go

when the wind drives fluffy white clouds

across a vast sky inky black

and the sheer immensity of space

weighs down upon by back

unmitigated

and the time i’m fated

to yet suffer seems unbearable

to miserable pain will i helplessly succumb

and revel in your longing for a long time to come

why you? well, who knows?

all i know is that it’s pointless

looking around, trying to find someone else

for i know that another i cannot love

and it’s going to be that way 
for a long time to come

how long though can i distract myself?

keep running away and seek solace elsewhere

or pick up my paintbrush and pretend i don’t care

hide my feelings under murky layers

in vain

for the pain

itself is just a distraction

and in the end it’ll all come to naught

the battle lost just because it was fought

for who knows what we live for?

at least for now

your longing justifies my time here

keeps me occupied
gives me raison d’etre, some

and so i’ll long for you 
for a long long time to come