monologue overheard at a café

so you think i’m overweight and have denial issues

try for a moment putting your perfect self in my bloody shoes

my life is turning out to be a disaster

collapsing in on itself, turning into a wreck ever faster

and there are days i wake up with this realization chill

that my best days are over and from here it’s all downhill

i have no clue where i’m going and you know what’s scary

this realization that my life is never going to be anything

other than just plain ordinary

i am so not the person i thought i’d be

i don’t do any of the things i thought i’d do when free

all the things i always wanted to do as a kid

things that were important once but then just slid

away through my fingers while i looked away

i betrayed them i did and now they have no place

in my sorry life

morbid

i studied something i wasn’t happy with

but based my job on it anyway and now can’t get rid

of this veritable hell hole in which i’m bloody stuck

where it’s all about appearances and no one really gives a fuck

about what makes one happy and why we’re here

it’s all about living up to expectations and building careers

all about money and work and money and work and money

i feel chained down, shackled and yoked and gagged

i don’t understand how i’ve managed to so beautifully drag 

myself into this blind cavernous dungeon dark

or maybe this is where i was fated to end up right from the start

they killed my dreams and i allowed them to do it

by letting them call them ridiculous or fanciful or far-fetched

i was expected to comply and comply i meekly did

i don’t even think i have the courage to defy, if i ever so wanted

they managed to instill in me the fear of the unknown

the seeds were sown early, an inadvertent inheritance that’s grown

and the insecurities one ought to mock have been deeply ingrained

my will has been shattered and my very soul drained

i just can’t let go now, can’t step out of this maze craftily designed

even my hopes are fettered, beaten into submission, docile and resigned

i go weeks sometimes in a dazed stupor and then i’m fine

until i wake up suddenly in the middle of the night crying

lemme inform you, first-hand, if you ever had any doubts

like hunger and poetry, depression too comes in debilitating bouts

but these are problems i don’t even really want anymore to solve

just stumble home in the evenings and thank god for alcohol

one needs to give vent from time to time, it’s true

so there now, my life lies bare before you

and i told you all this only because you insisted

please don’t judge me, i know it’s at best insipid

and at times downright sordid

my sorry life

morbid

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onehelloworld