prior engagement

a damned demanding mistress

thriving on my distress

she knows how to draw me out

on cool lonely nights like these

she asks me what i think about

as i stare at the distant lights

stoking the ember in my hand

seducing me with whispered rhyme

she slowly creeps into my mind

telling me she’ll understand

and so we get to talking this way

of how your ribs feel in my embrace

of the bite marks you left on my chest

or how caressing my shoulders you reach for my neck

how having made love we go to sleep

on the large bed holding each other tight

only to wake up again

and reach for each other in the middle of the night

i guess i could well talk instead

of how the room brightens up when you walk in the door

or how it’s a pleasure to see you do the simplest chores

like ironing your sari the night before

hands flying as you expertly handle both

the iron and the cigarette

blowing smoke out the side of your mouth

tucking your hair behind the ear once more

but i can’t just get away with bright blue days

and sunny mornings on the hillside spent picking flowers

i must come to the pungent smell of crushed grass

that stained our elbows and our knees

the peach blossoms in your hair

the rumpled pillow of my jeans

the mad laughter

and the frantic search for a pin after

for where the sleeve of your dress tore

it takes a lot to engage her and i can’t

get away listing things about you i adore

 i must talk of how with your eyes shut you gasp

every time i enter you

for the rest  is too passé

no, the other won’t do

for  she’s far too exacting and easily bored

and though i may be honest to you

to my poetry i’m still a whore

exceptions

you can see people or be seeing them

you can  sleep with someone or with them go to sleep

so though as i rule i never write for people

i wrote a poem for you to read

never too late

why do you use a pencil, the old man i once asked

for pencils are ephemeral, the writing won’t last

i want time to take them, what i write now, these lines

for you see, you with the matted hair, these are hurtful times

that was until he woke up in the middle of the night

and realized that he’s an artist still

the chair, the empty wine bottle, the dirty

sneakers in the corner were suddenly all grist to the mill

and now he uses indelible ink

for moments he says pass in the blink

of an eye and we

have only so much time

on our hands to make the most of our lives

ephemeral as can be

monk in vain

thought i’d be a monk instead

but i guess i’m far too vain

couldn’t look beyond, even when i shaved my head

beyond the mirror on the window pane

just another night out

they step out for a smoke and they talk gaily

his knee’s about six inches from hers

there’s tangible tension that the proximity incurs

as they stand leaning against the railing

they laugh a lot and smile too much

and they’re just a tad too polite as such

for people out drinking together and i’d bet

that they’re probably not seeing each other yet

back inside her hand stays on his shoulder too long

he’s staring at her lips, coming on too strong

as she throws her head back at his jokes lame

which she doesn’t care to understand, it’s all the same

to her. it’s just good to feel wanted she thinks

someone to talk to, to share a drink with

someone to hold you at the end of the day

just for the night, who cares then if they go away

when i’m down in the dumps of my mind’s cesspool bog

i too wish i had someone to help me keep together

now i see them leave together, t’night they’ll probably sleep together

while i’m sitting here on the steps petting the dog

you see that orange glow?

now you see how i’m burning

don’t you?

as you see the smoke risin’

far away above the horizon

but don’t, my dear, imagine for even a moment

that you may be the cause for my torment

or that it’s for you that i am yearning

you went about picking ideas and ideals

making them your own like the thief who steals

easily seduced in the dark, overwhelmed, overawed

deceived by pretenses, taken in by fraud

i always did think you should’ve been more discerning

you wanted to learn and grow

you said and so you had to go

and yet you’ve held on to the things

that held you back like puppet strings

so tell me, what is it that you’ve since been learning?

all you did get rid of was me

i warned you that it was but a smokescreen

do you now see the smoke rising far above the trees

do you hear this hollow howl that pours forth in the breeze

but don’t worry, this silent scream too shall end

once my heart is pulp and my throat is rent

and i’ll forget what the pain was concerning

you remember how you wanted

your moments perfect; always a sucker for happy endings

no, i don’t feel vindicated, for it’s not a stand that i am defending

i’m just spewing verse, it’s not a message that i am sending

even volcanoes die, i’m just an erupting mess

for the wheels of time, they’re relentless

and they’re gonna go on and on a-turning

but for now do you see how i’m burning

and yet don’t even for a moment imagine

that it’s for you that i am yearning