the trouble with being free

and then you’ll come to a bend in the road

sitting at the edge on a large stone

staring at the snowclad mountains beyond

your heart’ll wonder if it’s here that you belong

but it won’t be

for there is no place you’re going

there’s no place you have to be

there’s nowhere you belong

you are finally free

like i promised

/mero mutu

it’s somewhere between the heart and the mind

somewhere between my passion and my soul

somewhere between love and life

the place that for you i hold

somewhere between longing and having met

somewhere between hurt and sorrow

somewhere between jealousy and regret

the place that you will never know

one of those moments

that you wish would last forever

and after the freezing cold night the sun emerged

the night’s melancholy was suppressed, if not submerged

in the golden light as we

lay beneath the chestnut tree

i lied to you and you lied to me

the cook’s radio played a distant plaintive tune

while we ignored the sense of impending doom

the birds they chirped and the leaves they fluttered

lying on the dry grass only platitudes were uttered

i had my jacket rolled under my head

you had that hand-woven shawl black and red

the vapoury white clouds streamed by, the black eagles soared

and out came the buzzing flies, and the little-yellow-bastards we so abhorred

and as a general thaw occurred it concurred

with a feeling of well being kinda’ absurd

like everything was going to stay this way

like all’s well with the world and nothing’d go wrong today

like our thoughts weren’t cluttered and no harm could be done

like everything was sorted in that moment in the sun

through the leaves we saw the sky bright blue

you lied to me and i lied to you

we talked of things from our past over the shared cigarette

steering clear of the weekend since we’d met

like memories of the distant past

would somehow make this moment last

like if we stayed still and did not move

that silken threads connecting me to you

that the jumping spider left behind

would hold us together and forever bind

us here on the grass in the dappled sunlight

where lying together to each other we lied

trying in vain to make light of our fears

and then we’d fall silent holding back tears

and loosely hold hands your fingers tracing mine

memorizing each joint each dusty line

and with our eyes followed the branches of the chestnut tree

and then the eagles weaving in and out of the leaves

each refusing to believe

that soon you would have to leave

things left unsaid

i’m cutting loose she said

with a song and a goodbye

nothing to be done, so i didn’t even try

just sagely said, so be it

and not, the more stupid

you just broke your lonely stranger’s heart

but that’s ok because

it’s exactly as i feared, what the distance forebode

i kinda’ knew that this would happen before long

that you’d find someone else or just get bored

of me and my silly songs

but i’ll be waiting here by the side of the road

if you ever decide to look for me again

with my heart a little more

broken a little more

hardened a little

more brittle

and you’ll find me but

a bit more morose a bit

more of a recluse

a bit more

of a whore

so who cares?

they say you just get by and

they give themselves such airs

they say you’re really shy and

the loss is all theirs

they haven’t seen the words with which

you adorn your poetry

and the emotions that you feel are

beyond their reality

i have seen you step out of your clothes

with not the slightest hint of modesty

and the look as you undress me

has desire in its naked honesty

so they say you’re such a mess but

your poetry’s widely read

and they say you’re a wasted drunk but

you’re really good in bed

days well spent

we looked in burrows for jirds and voles

followed elephants to their watering holes

shared a pear at the water’s edge

slept basking in the sun, legs hanging over the ledge

the grass was dried golden the valley at our feet all aglow

and twittering birds flitted in the thickets below

in the steep cliff face that was almost a wall

as we lay with our faces under your checkered shawl

and fluffy white clouds floated by casting shadows

that went in waves over the valleys and the meadows

and the steaming broccoli hills behind which we’d watch

the sun plunge each day unless there was a fog

then i’d  kiss your matted hair and you’d brush against my stubble

as we walked back home breaking the ice on the puddles

i wonder

i’d always justified your actions from this point of view

that people are essentially nice, though sometimes curt

that no one harms another intentionally and that

it’s just misplaced good that causes hurt

that’s how i’d justified everything that happened

in that light all your actions i’d seen

but now i wonder you know i wonder if i was wrong

i wonder if you’re just plain damn mean

not really a sevenling

/why i’d love to fall in love with you

they mocked me coz i said i liked your collar bones

and then later i saw your eyes

and your toes

and that you walked barefoot and smoked

biris and sometimes wore worn

jootis and won’t let me

see what you wrote